THE MOON HAS OFFICIALLY DECLINED TO COMMENT.

THE MOON HAS OFFICIALLY DECLINED TO COMMENT.

Officials confirm that Earth's oldest witness is refusing to cooperate.

After millions of years of silently observing human civilization, the Moon has reportedly refused to answer questions regarding its involvement in several unexplained planetary events.

The announcement came after an international research team attempted to establish direct communication using advanced radio technology, three questionable telescopes, and one man who claims to speak fluent crater.

The response?

Nothing.

Not even a courtesy beep.

WHAT IS THE MOON HIDING?

Our investigation uncovered several suspicious developments:

• The Lunar Face: The Moon continues to display the same side toward Earth. Scientists call this tidal locking. We call it an extremely convenient alibi.

• The Missing Footprints: Historical lunar records contain suspicious gaps. Apparently, even the Moon has trouble keeping track of its visitors.

• The Monthly Disappearance: Every lunar cycle, the Moon changes its appearance without providing a written explanation.

• The Dark Side: Officials insist there is nothing unusual there. Which is exactly what someone hiding something would say.

OFFICIAL STATEMENT

The Lunar Diplomatic Office issued the following response:

"The Moon has no comment at this time. It would also appreciate it if Earth stopped staring at it every night."

Shortly after the statement, its official communication channel went offline.

WITNESSES REPORT UNUSUAL BEHAVIOR

Several amateur astronomers claim that the Moon appeared to blink during recent observations.

Others reported hearing what sounded like distant machinery.

One witness described the experience as "looking directly into the face of someone who knows what you did in 2009."

Authorities have dismissed these accounts as optical illusions, atmospheric interference, or excessive recreational enthusiasm.

OUR OFFICIAL RECOMMENDATION

Stop asking the Moon questions.

If it wanted to explain itself, it would have done so approximately 4.5 billion years ago.

Until further notice, we recommend keeping lunar observations strictly professional and avoiding unnecessary eye contact.

TRANSMISSION STATUS: UNDER REVIEW

The Moon has not responded to requests for comment. Neither has the Sun. This is becoming a pattern.

Reported by AGENT 042
Office of Suspicious Celestial Behavior.