YOUR REALITY SUBSCRIPTION IS ABOUT TO EXPIRE.

YOUR REALITY SUBSCRIPTION IS ABOUT TO EXPIRE.

INTERDIMENSIONAL CONSUMER AFFAIRS · UNAUTHORIZED INVESTIGATION

Humanity may have been living on a free trial this entire time.

An anonymous source from the Department of Universal Billing has leaked documents suggesting that Earth's current reality subscription is approaching its expiration date.

According to the documents, humanity was granted temporary access to basic reality services, including gravity, oxygen, time perception, and the illusion of personal freedom.

The original agreement reportedly included a complimentary trial period.

Nobody remembers accepting the terms and conditions.

Nobody remembers reading them.

And apparently, nobody owns a copy of the cancellation policy.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE TRIAL ENDS?

Our investigation identified several possible consequences:

• Gravity Premium: Objects may begin falling in directions not covered by your current plan.

• Time Extension: Mondays may become 36 hours long. No refunds.

• Memory Storage: Childhood memories will be transferred to a limited cloud account.

• Free Will Basic: Decision-making remains available, but only between options selected by the system.

• Dream Access: Advertisements may now appear during REM sleep.

A spokesperson for the Department denied that these changes would affect everyday life.

The spokesperson was later revealed to be a houseplant.

THE FINE PRINT

A leaked section of the agreement contains the following clause:

"By continuing to exist, the subscriber agrees that all existential confusion, unexplained déjà vu, and sudden feelings of being watched are considered normal service features."

The agreement also states that customer support is unavailable during planetary emergencies, timeline disruptions, and periods of inconvenient self-awareness.

CAN YOU CANCEL?

Technically, yes.

However, the cancellation form requires:

1. Your original birth certificate.

2. Proof that you exist.

3. Proof that you are not imagining the application.

4. A signature from your assigned cosmic administrator.

Processing time: approximately 7 billion years.

OUR OFFICIAL RECOMMENDATION

Do not panic.

Panic is currently included in the Basic package.

We recommend keeping your expectations low, your passwords encrypted, and your curtains closed until further notice.

After all, if reality is a subscription service, somebody has been charging us for a pretty questionable experience.

TRANSMISSION STATUS: ACTIVE

The information in this report has not been independently verified. Neither has reality.

*Department of Things They Told Us Not to Investigate*